Thursday, November 3, 2011

Cheating/Playing Games

You can say all you want about why you cheated, but it all ultimately boils down to one thing: lack of communication. "Instead of telling my partner what I'm thinking, I'm just going to go fuck somebody else," seems to be what's on anyone's mindset whenever they cheat, and it's bullshit like that (both the cheating and lack of communication) that tends to ruin marriages.

People, seriously, it doesn't matter what you're thinking. If it's a problem, you have to let your partner know, even if it does create a rift. Thing is, it normally shouldn't if you just want to have a discussion, and that's the approach you should take. To not do so creates a lack of mutual respect and brings you even further apart. Even if you end up fighting, you're still far better off than betraying who you love.

Now, despite me giving this advice, my wife and I have never cheated or even had the thought, but that is in big part because of what I've said here (and keep in mind, we've been together since Kindergarten and haven't been apart at all since). My cousin, on the other hand has been cheated on a few times in past relationships, and that was ultimately because of two things: 1. Lack of communication. 2. My cousin's significant other thinking my cousin wanting to discuss issues automatically meant she hated them. Please, don't think that's the case. If someone did truly did dislike you, I'm sure they wouldn't even want to be with you any more and wouldn't discuss anything.

But whether your discussions or arguments end up ending your relationship or further tear you apart or not, stop fucking cheating. All it does is complicate your lives even further by creating far more drama than a simple argument.

But when it comes to the discussions and arguments themselves, here's another lesson people need to learn: stop playing games. Stop giving hints. Just come the fuck out with it. Be straightforward with your intentions. Your partner is not a mind-reader, and what you do is not always clear-cut. In fact, most of the time it isn't. But even if you think it's obvious, just tell your partner anyway, because they may not happen to know. It doesn't make them less intelligent in any way if they can't read you even after a decade or more together, but it does make you look like a piece of shit for assuming they should know either way. Even after approximately twenty years with my wife, we still can't figure out what all is on each other's minds, so think about that before you assume such bullshit about your own partner.

Unfortunately, though I talk about my relationship longevity and how that helps when it comes to giving relationship advice, not everything I say really should be applicable to everyone. What I say here, however, is an exception. This shit is basic and should really be obvious to everyone, but naturally, since the world seems to be full of morons, it isn't. Even some clinical psychologists and psychiatrists seem to not realize what I'm saying here helps prevent breakups, and will give you advice that won't work. If they say something other than what I said here, seriously, don't listen to them just because they're an "authority" on the subject (because even they're not always right). In this case, I implore you, take my word for it. At least on this.

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