Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Political Compass

I thought this was ultimately a pretty good test to take, though some questions may be a bit confusing, but the test-makers apparently wanted that. Either way, I'm not surprised by the result that I received.

I'm sure it's not a surprise for anyone reading my blog, either (like anyone is reading it anyway). I'm sure if I took it again, I might get slightly different results, but it'd still be around the same area anyway.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Burger King

Today, I will tell you the experience I had working at Burger King. To begin with, I actually didn't mind the work. Well, somewhat. It's definitely not the worst job you can find, though.

Most of what can be done is pretty easy, but the only problem can be either remembering what to do sometimes, drive through sucks, and closing sucks. I mean, closing anywhere sucks, but closing a lot of places doesn't hold up to closing a fast food restaurant. That's the worst possible experience you can have working fast food, and it's necessary for every employer to do so at some point. Actually, I had to do it three nights in a row. During my first week on the job. During the weekend when the place is open longer. That was not only making me tired, it was making me incredibly physically weak (much more than most people would think, by the way, so please don't give me shit about that), thus bringing down my ability to work. And you know how complaining about something at a job like this works. Don't like what we do? Well, now we're going to lower your hours, put you on your more inconvenient shifts (besides closing time), and put you on a position that sucks worse than your ideal position/the one you're best at.

Either way, though, my hours were reduced the next week. I actually welcomed that fact with open arms because I need a little more a rest after that excruciating first week. Hell, they gave me five more hours than what I asked for anyway, so I figured that balanced things out. However, my hours kept getting reduced for the next couple of months until I was "terminated" (I like that term better than "fired," so I'll use that instead). I was terminated from the job because I "wasn't fit for fast food." Why this is bull shit is coming ahead.

First off, once again, my hours kept getting lowered. I gradually went from thirty-five hours a week (more than what I signed up for) to two. Two fucking hours. It wasn't much before then, either. Now, if you want to complain about performance, that's a big factor in determining that. You know what, of course I'm not going to be fit for the job if I'm barely working there. Because of what they were doing, I was losing touch on how to do things, even making certain sandwiches. That's probably the biggest reason why I wasn't "fit for fast food" as they said.

Now, here's another big thing. I know the business is called "fast food" for a reason. I understand that perfectly. However, that does not mean that literally everything has to go the speed of fucking light. I'm not sure if this is the same for everyone else out there, but at the Burger King where I worked, they expected me to finish mopping the entire kitchen and behind the front counter within just a few short minutes. This is something that's not possible if you want to actually clean the fucking floor, and you should considering that you're dealing with food and want a more sanitary place, not to mention the possibility of people slipping all over the Goddamn place. I know there are work shoes for that, but it can still happen, especially because you have to wait a while before you can get work shoes in the first place. Either way, I think they should allow more time for that kind of thing. It's important, quite frankly. I understand not being too picky about the floors, either, but you don't want to be way too sloppy, which they kind of are. But even for the most important part when it comes to being speedy, the food, they still have high expectations a little too high. I was eventually able to reach their mark (thirty seconds or less) for about two days before the third week hit and I started slowly losing touch. But, you know what, you can still fucking have fast food even if you take a little longer on orders. I know people are hungry, but it's not like waiting an extra ten seconds or more (if I make a mistake, for example, which happens somewhat often to every employee who isn't a fucking android) is going to kill them. Even if it takes a minute longer, it's still faster than every other kind of restaurant out there. It's still fast food. Hell, if anything, this company-wide mentality is just feeding more into the quite high level of impatience in this country anyway. Great job for helping out on that issue.

Oh, and that's another reason why closing sucked, too. They expected you to finish closing within and hour. Normally, this isn't a problem, but I swear, there was so much shit to do within that time, particularly if you where the one cleaning the broiler. That alone takes up most of your time, but then there are various other tasks that . . . well, I can't even remember them all now, but it was fucking awful either way. Hell, I should tell you about the worst night I had working there. The second night I closed during the first weekend. I worked with the second bitchiest manager and an employee who, although was fairly nice, yet expressionless, didn't do nearly as much work as she should have (that night, at least). Neither of them were helping me out much that night. I didn't even want to complain to the manager because, again, she was the second bitchiest manager, so that would've backfired on me. She noticed and didn't even do anything about it anyway. Anyway, the manager was doing her thing until the very end, and the other person washed the dishes and did one other minuscule thing, then just sat and read some shitty book the rest of the fucking night. I had to take care of the umpteen other things that night that weren't even supposed to be my responsibility because of her, which led to us staying an hour over our "limit." Normally, although I'd be pissed, I'd expect to be fine considering it wasn't my fault that happened. However, everyone apparently thought it was. I have no idea why, but I have a feeling one of those two (likely the manager) just said I was and thus I was blamed for it without further evidence to prove otherwise (or even to prove their own case, but I was just the trainee, so they would've trusted them more anyway). That really had me pissed off, and I did complain about that. Nothing. I mean, at least I wasn't punished, but that was such bull shit that I wanted some good out of it. Oh well.

But here's another bull shit thing that happened. This time, it involved the highest manager there, so there was nothing I could do about it. I was helping the cashier person at drive through, giving the food and drinks to the customers and stuff. Pretty easy position, probably the best besides the spec bar (for chicken or fish sandwiches or whatever), the fryer, and the broiler. Anyway, there was a customer who was complaining about not getting the onion rings he ordered. I asked the manager what I should tell him. I can't remember what she told me, but I repeated what she said to him, and he kept complaining. I remember that it was a stupid thing she told me anyway, so I understood why he kept complaining, since I would've as well. At that point, the manager took over, which is what she fucking should've done in the first place. After a short exchange, though, she apologized for what I apparently did, claiming, "I'm sorry, she's new here." That pissed me off, because I knew that I ultimately did nothing wrong whatsoever. If anything, she did, not me. Putting blame on others like that is obviously not a good thing for a manager to do, since that drops morale. I have no doubt that she does that sometimes, and if she does, I hope she at least gets her ass demoted for doing that.

I guess another thing I feel like mentioning is this ridiculous mentality that I'm sure is common among bosses/managers. It's the mentality that makes them think that, since their employees are there to work, they should work the entire time, even if there's absolutely nothing to do. At all. Even if there's truly nothing, they'll tell you to take out the trash even if it's only about a third full, mop a second time (which, in retrospect, might actually help, but still), or even just put a fucking sticker on something or mark it otherwise. I mean, God damn it, is it really that fucking important that you literally have to search everywhere to find even the tiniest little fucking thing to do? Even if there isn't, what's that point then? What would they make you do at that point?

But the last major problem I had working there was this little rule that they had which was extremely contradictory. It had to do with our breaks. Here's the thing: the managers choose when you can have your break. This is fine since you'd think they'd know best for a job like this anyway. However, my managers sucked shit at picking when I could have my only break, and it would typically be about an hour and a half into my shift no matter how long I would be working, or sometimes even before the first hour hit. That's terrible, and there's really no good reasoning for that. I remember even asking them why they did so, and the highest manager told me that it was apparently the only time they could possibly give me a break, which was total bull shit because there were at least three times later on that day in which nothing happened for quite a while, and one or two people could easily handle business in the kitchen (if there was any), and another could've taken a break if they needed one or something. Hell, one of those points I remember was longer than half an hour, which was as long as our breaks typically lasted. You can't tell me that I couldn't have had a break during that half hour. Total fucking bull shit.

But that's still nothing compared to the truly contradictory rule they made up. Smokers had the opportunity to get special little breaks just so they could go out and smoke. During my first couple of days working there, I figured I cold have one, too despite not being smoker, since I'm sure they were moral enough to give everyone a good share on that kind of thing. That turned out to not be the case, though. I had the bitchiest manager there bitch me out about sitting down for hardly even a quarter of a minute before being spotted and told to get back to work . . . which, once again, there was nothing to do anyway, which is why I decided to sit for about five minutes, or until something happened, like an order popping up. She literally told me to put a sticker on something. That was it. She even told me that only smokers get those little breaks. This was the most unfair thing about working there. Why would anyone even consider this? It, if anything, only serves to encourage employees to smoke so they can have a little more freedom at work. Not only that, but it's stupid to consider the "needs" of a smoker over everyone else like that. It's discrimination is what it is, and I fail to see how they get away with it. What a fucked up rule.

Oh, and the managers would complain if I was even one minute late. This is a problem relating just to me, but all of the clocks were completely out of whack. Even the clocks at the job weren't set properly. One clock would be two minutes ahead, another six ahead, another one minute behind, etc. And I knew my clock was spot on. So whenever I would look at my clock and, say, be two minutes early, the manager would look at the clock that's two minutes ahead . . . except it would switch while I'm entering and signing in. But because of her sense of time because of her fucked up clock, I was apparently marked as being late. But you know what, what's one fucking minute anyway? I know there may be payroll complications or something, but come on. Why complain otherwise, especially if the clocks aren't trustworthy? Even if they were, that's quite low to complain too much about one minute. I don't know about any of you, but I hate that kind of perfectionist attitude. Besides, I'm not a fucking moron. I know being late is bad (if you're too late, that is, but not one fucking minute). I don't need a lecture on something completely obvious like that. Quite honestly, I don't think most people need that.

But now I want to be fair. There were a couple of things I did like. Quite a few of the coworkers were really cool. There were even a couple of other nerds there, which was refreshing, but I never saw them again after being let go. Also, even though the management was, as a collective, a total piece of shit (and ultimately the only thing I hated about working there, since they caused almost every single problem), there were two nice managers. I didn't usually get them as often as I would've liked, though, but when I did get them, working was quite a bit easier. And, to be fair, there was at least one position I really did suck at regardless of how much practice: cashier. I suck that badly at Math to the point where I can barely work a cashier job. I've been reluctant to try for that position ever since because of that. To me, that was one of the most stressful positions, and I was so happy that I was let go of the cashier position that I felt the need to let every one of my coworkers know of my joy to be free of that position. Everyone else thought it was one of the easiest positions, but I'm quite adept at English as opposed to Math. Excellent in one, shit in the other.

Otherwise, the job sucked shit. It didn't naturally do so, though. Most people tend to hate fast food jobs, which I can understand, but for me, it wasn't the job itself. It was easily the managers that fucked up my experience for me. Them and them alone. Otherwise, if the management were better, I probably would've worked there for longer than just two and a half months. I doubt I would still be working there by now, but it would've helped to have had that job longer, since I simply couldn't get another one for quite a while (about seven months, I think).

But anyway, now I want to talk just a little bit about the quality of the product there. I used to love going to Burger King. I loved their chicken tenders, then I switched to chicken sandwiches with lettuce, cheese, and ketchup. By the way, I don't like the taste of beef, which is why I don't eat hamburgers. I'm a fairly picky eater, but I don't like being one, trust me. And for those assholes out there who think I can control what I like and don't like to eat, trust me, just like with my sexual orientation, I simply cannot choose what I like to eat. Otherwise, if I could do that, I'd be eating anything, including beef products like steak and hamburger. Simple logic, people. That's all it takes. Anyway, after a while, I started to get sick of Burger King and tried chicken sandwiches at many more places. I figured out my favorite place for getting them: Wendy's. Because of Wendy's, I have not gone to Burger King to eat in about a year and a half's time, maybe longer. I'd still eat at Burger King instead of McDonald's, though. McDonald's isn't too bad, but it sucks shit compared to Wendy's. Hell, I think, if I remember correctly, Wendy's is a little cheaper anyway (than both of them, I mean). Correct me if I'm wrong on that, though. Either way, it's worth it eating there instead. But not even Wendy's is my favorite fast food place. That'd be Little Caesar's. A large five dollar pepperoni pizza that's ready practically right when you come in the door. It doesn't have the best tasting pizza (that would be Piccadilly's), but it's by far the best for it's value.

Anyway, I'm glad I got that rant out there. That calmed me down, and now I won't have to write all of this crap again. I'd suggest possibly coming back to this post at some point, though, because I may edit it with a new point I may have forgotten or something, but for now, it'll do fine.

The Gay Agenda

For those who don't know, the Gay Agenda is a conspiracy theory started by Conservative Christians (particularly the Family Research Council) that makes the claim that media is manipulating the public to become more accepting of homosexuals. I've heard more extreme versions of the viewpoint saying that the government (or whoever) is sending guns/weapons to the homes of LGBT people in an effort to start some kind of revolution or something.

When it comes to conspiracy theories, I've heard crazy shit, stupid shit, plausible, yet unprovable shit, and some proven to be true shit, like Project MKULTRA. However, what I usually hear is a mixture of all three of the former, which is generally why I don't try to follow conspiracy theories/theorists, at least not too much. In fact, theorists have consistently almost as bad Conservatives/Christians when it comes to arguing prowess, at least whenever I argue with them. It's not like some of the things they talk about can't be defended well, at least in some cases, but it's really just that they've typically sucked at defending their positions very well, and even if they do site sources, they tend to be flawed in one way or another. So for anyone encountering a conspiracy theorist, be nice to them (especially in face to face encounters), but be careful in trusting everything they say.

Like many conspiracy theories, this one is propaganda meant to scare people, but unlike the other ones, this one can easily be seen by rational and logical human beings as completely fucking moronic. In fact, I'd have to say that this is one of the most ridiculous conspiracies I've ever heard in my life.

I'm a lesbian. I qualify for having weapons sent to my house so I can start a revolution. So where are they? I've received nothing, though I guess I can't prove it just by saying they haven't come, so to attempt to prove otherwise . . . you know what, where the fuck did they get that idea in the first place? You know they just made it up, but imagine they wanted to prove it. What lengths would they go to do prove their case? They do, after all, have the burden of proof thrust upon them. You'd practically have to see the weapons in the mailbox, their homes, the packaging going through the mail, etc. to prove it. You also have to take into account the post offices and their employees. You'd have to have a lot of people who trust you and know what's going on. Remember, just because they work for the government doesn't mean that the government controls everything about them and what they do directly, especially off the job, and especially not every single employee. That's just too much to swallow.

On the other side of the conspiracy, we have just the general acceptance thing, which, although is more believable than the other part of the conspiracy, it's still not really an issue, quite frankly. Of course Conservative Christians are going to say something bad about LGBT people. They have a track record of doing so. What else is new? Why believe them anyway considering this? It's more believable to think that this is all biased towards an actual agenda to make sure gays either don't obtain or even lose rights that they should have. Thankfully, it doesn't seem to be working well, because most people don't believe this bull shit. For those who do . . . grow the fuck up.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


I wanted to talk about prom because of this:

Reading that story got me reminiscing on my past experiences with the prom. To be honest, I've only been to one prom, and that was during my senior year. Of course, I went with my girlfriend, and we actually had a decent time. We didn't even care to dress nice or anything, we just went with all of our friends at the time to have fun. My girlfriend and I even got our pictures taken while we kissed. I was surprised that they let us do that. And most of all, nothing bad happened like with this girl in the news story. That's something we thought could happen, but nothing did, thankfully.

Otherwise, during prom time, we would just gather at one of our places and we'd have some kind of movie/TV show marathon, game night or something like that. Either way, we had lots of snacks provided. It was the ultimate night for a nerd hangout. Prom night wasn't the only night we did this, but it was usually the most anticipated night because that meant we had a better excuse to stay up later than usual (at least during the school year), thus we could do more stuffs. Nowadays, we just do stuff like that whenever we can or like. Well, we did even the year we actually went to prom later on that night. We went to where my cousin and I lived and had a ball just doing whatever we felt like.

As for the news story, it's ridiculous that a school will cancel a whole fucking prom just so a lesbian can't go. Just not allowing her to go would've been bad as well, but what they did was far worse because the meant nobody was able to have fun because of some bigoted assholes. But that's not apparently what everyone thinks. Just read what this asshole said in the comments section:

"It's sad that one person can ruin it for everyone. A minority of one telling a majority what can and can not be done. Like prayer before a sporting event - one complains and it's no longer allowed. Thank you ACLU (Americans Criminals Lovers Unions) for destroying this great nation."

He doesn't understand that it was the school that ultimately caused all of this trouble for canceling the prom in the first place, not the lesbian for just wanting to go and have a good time in her own way that essentially wouldn't hurt anyone. Besides that point, he complains about minorities complaining to the majority. What's moronic about this is that he doesn't seem to care about minority's rights one bit. That's not what a free nation does is forget about the minority. If anything, a free nation needs to concern minority rights if it wants to be as free as possible. Also, it's a Communist viewpoint because he's talking about the greater good, hence the majority rules over what the minority wants. This is ironic, because I can tell that he's a Conservative for that last sentence ripping on the ACLU. Conservatives typically bash the ACLU (some of their actions can be questionable, but they're ultimately a good organization that typically stands for the right things), and he even claims that they're destroying "this great nation." To be honest, although I'd rather live here than most places, this country still sucks shit in quite a few areas, including LGBT rights, and it's partly because of right-wingers like this asswipe. Of course, I don't mean all right-wingers (my history teacher in college is a smart Conservative, for example), I just mean dipshits like this guy, the people who consistently watch and, more importantly, the people on the propaganda machine known as Faux News, and the Teabaggers movement going on now, just to name a couple of prominent examples. I swear, I know there are bad left-wingers as well, but I rarely ever see them hold a candle to the ridiculousness of a bad right-winger.

Anyway, I guess the last thing I want to discuss is the idea of the school prom itself. I am all for teens getting together to have a good time with dancing and stuff like that. What I'm against is the schools using taxpayer money for that idea to hold it themselves. If anything, that should be an independently held event, whether at the school or not. All it really does is waste more school money on prom instead of learning material and causes a lot of kids to go batshit insane and influences them to neglect any studies (if they have any, which we didn't, but still), which admittedly could be stopped by parental intervention, but still causes problems even for the ones that do because it's not a guaranteed working strategy simply because of the social influence by the other kids at school. That and they may be too late in being able to help anyway. Although schools typically spend money on worthless crap, the prom is probably the most useless thing that money is wasted on, but not by much.

Despite my viewpoint on proms, I still did enjoy myself at the one I went to. The thing is that it got boring after about an hour. I have a hard time seeing how the people who go to the prom can stay for so damn long and keep enjoying themselves. Personally, and this is with my girlfriend as well, I can only take that kind of thing (particularly dancing because I'm the only person on the planet who doesn't like to dance) for only so long before I get bored out of my fucking mind. It was the same way with most of my friends in the group, which is why we decided to leave for my place to play games and stuff.

And even though I did enjoy myself, I still think we shouldn't have proms sponsored by the schools. It's a big fucking waste of time and money that we can absolutely do without. However, while we still have them, we should give anybody who wants to go the right to go. Well, unless the school was flooded with pools of acid around that time, but unless something bad like that happens, don't fucking cancel prom just because somebody you don't like wants to go. It's unbelievably immature, though I guess that's nothing new with a school board.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Super Smash Bros. Series

I should have done this a few months ago, but now I am finally getting to the last of the game series that started about a decade ago. Out of the three series that I'm reviewing, this one is by far the best, even though there are only three games in the series so far. That's because they're among my favorite games ever.

This game is a fighting game with popular Nintendo characters duking it out. What could go wrong? Well . . . as time would tell, not much! Speaking of time, even after a decade, this is still one of the most addictive games I've ever played, and I still play it somewhat often to this day. Most of my friends would rather play other games with me than this one, including the other two games, so I'm usually stuck playing it with my girlfriend on the same team, or I play alone.

Playing alone is fine with this game. It's still fun, but a common complaint that I hear is that the game is more fun in multiplayer, since the single player experience is mostly the same every time. That doesn't mean it's impossible to enjoy single player, though. You can do what I did once: beat the Very Hard mode all the way through without losing a single life or using a continue. You can also go to Training Mode, which is the most fun mode in all of the single player mode, especially because of the glitches. Otherwise, I agree that the single player experience is lacking in comparison to the multiplayer mode.

The use of items made the gameplay more interesting. It could make or break your possible win in a match, but you can turn them off. It's great to have that option, just in case, say, it's your first time playing, and you're facing a hardcore expert like me at the game (by the way, I haven't lost a single game for about five years now, and that person beat me only one time out of several). In that case, you'd want the options on, because I would win for sure otherwise. I'm not trying to brag about it, since I suck shit at several other games, and I have been defeated before. In fact, the only game that I can think of that I'm undefeated at (for thirteen years, by the way, and I'm sure there's more games) is Star Fox 64, though I haven't played a huge amount of multiplayer in that like quite a few other games, and people have gotten close, my cousin being the closest by just a small fraction of a health bar.

There is a great variety of characters. Even the Luigi, who is similar to Mario, has differences, though I think he is worse. This is one of the few games I know of in which just about every character is good, except for Jigglypuff, and I personally don't like Donkey Kong much, though he can still be put to good use if played properly. In fact, here's how I rank the characters:

1. Captain Falcon
2. Samus Aran
3. Yoshi
4. Fox McCloud
5. Kirby
6. Mario
7. Link
8. Pikachu
9. Ness
10. Luigi
11. Donkey Kong
12. Jigglypuff

That's just my personal preference, though. Look around enough and you'll find a lot of different lists.

Anyway, despite it's one big flaw, it still has aged very well. I mean, if I'm still playing a game a decent amount more than a decade after it's release, that's saying a lot. It seems to have more staying power than probably any other game that I've played, at least so far. That means it's the most addictive game ever, more than Tetris, more than Mario Kart, more than motherfucking Goldeneye 007 (or whatever multiplayer First-Person Shooter you prefer). I've played some other games from longer ago even today as well, but I don't play any of them as often as this one. I'm not saying this is my favorite game of all time, but because of this factor alone, it's among at least the top ten, maybe even higher.

Oh, and it has one of my favorite commercials ever:

This game is basically like the last game, but with plenty of differences to separate it into it's own game. Typically, sequels are more often than not as good as their predecessors, but many people would probably make an exception with this game. I'm not sure if I would, but it's still an incredible game worth buying.

This game has more characters than the previous game, 25 total. However, there is one common complaint about them: six of them (Dr. Mario, Ganondorf, Falco, Young Link, Pichu, and Roy, though it's seven if you want to count Luigi) are what many people call "clones," which are characters who, although are different from their counterparts in the sense that they're more powerful, yet slower, jump higher, but moves slower, etc, and have different appearances, they have the same movesets. I find this okay to some extent, since Captain Falcon, although still a great character, became worse overall, and Ganondorf surpassed him in greatness. In fact, I think Ganondorf can be the best character in the game if used properly, and depending on the stage choice, since he sucks at the moving stages like Icicle Mountain. I guess Captain Falcon, and a few other characters as well, got worse, but it's understandable considering this game's physics are different. Anyway, sometimes the cloning didn't work, particularly with the worst character in all three of the games combined: Pichu. Yes, he/she is worse than Jigglypuff, something people thought wasn't possible. Now I don't think it's possible to beat Pichu in that category. Well, maybe it is possible, but it'd be a difficult feat. Anyway, he's a copy of Pikachu. Pikachu's not a bad character, so you'd probably think Pichu wouldn't be bad, either. Well, he/she wouldn't be the worst if it wasn't for one big factor: he/she hurts himself. You read that right. He/She fucking hurts himself with his/her own attacks! He's/She's already one of the lightest characters in the game, as well as one of the weakest in attack power, so that's just another kick in the crotch for him/her. That's why Pichu sucks shit.

 As good a fighter as he/she looks.

There are a plentiful amount of stages as well. The only ones I have a problem with are the moving ones, like I mentioned above. It's not just because of my personal preferences in fighters, since I like to use Sheik and Falco as well. It's the fact that they practically make you worry more about trying to avoid death, because if you stay still, you lose a life/point/coins/even the fucking match. It's irritating, so I avoid those stages, and thankfully, most people I know do so as well. Also, they only included three stages from the previous game, which is fine, but they could've chosen better courses than they did, at least Hyrule Castle. That was my favorite.

Despite any sort of criticisms about the game, there is one thing that has improved a lot: the Single Player. There are more modes to play, including the mode from the last game (which is now more varied), and two new modes called Adventure and All Star. It's all pretty cool stuff, especially Adventure.

Otherwise, there's a shitload of various content as well, such as individual challenges in Single Player and trophies to collect that showcase various things about Nintendo games and stuff. It's challenging getting them all, but ultimately worth it.

Considering all of this, I'm not sure if it's better than the original, but it at least is well worth playing in it's own right. I would strongly suggest getting both games, because, whether one's better than the other, they're both among the greatest games ever made (at least, I think so).

This is the most recent game in the series, and there hasn't been another announced yet, so this'll be the last one reviewed. Before I get started, though, I should mention that people went batshit crazy over this game. Why? Because of the speculation of what characters would be in the game, ranging from the highly plausible (people talked about Pit and Sonic before they were officially announced) to the absolutely ridiculous, such as Professor Oak, Tom Nook, and even a Goddamned Tetris Block. I remember people even joked about Barney being in the game, just to parody the ridiculous ideas going on at the time. It was so bad that people even fabricated massive menu screens with characters they wanted to see in the game. This one is the worst I've seen so far (it even includes music from the previous game):

I mean, seriously, why would anybody think a Nintendog would be a good fighter against the likes of Bowser and Ganondorf? It's just a cute little dog, not a Kung Fu master. Just think of how much Pichu sucked. If anything, that's a candidate for being a worse character than him.

Great fighter.

And, of course, we can't forget Slippy Toad, the guy who constantly asks for his buddy Fox McCloud to save his ass throughout the whole game. The very same guy who annoys people so badly that they just shoot him down themselves to ease their pain. Good reason to replace him with the Sandbag, but he's not a good fighter. But wait, there's even worse! I spotted Beltino Toad not far from him! What the fucking Goddamned Hell! Slippy's bad enough, but Beltino, his father? Jesus fucking Christ almighty.

Fox, get this guy off of me!

Oh, and I should also mention that there are four versions, yes, you read it right, four fucking versions of Mario in that picture! Chef Mario, Paper Mario, Dr. Mario, and finally Mario Mario. Holy shit, isn't two enough? Hell, I think one is enough . . .

These are all different. Add them now!

Okay, I'm getting off track. That all started, though, partly because of an April Fool's Day joke run in the magazine Electronic Gaming Monthly about how people can unlock Sonic the Hedgehog and Miles Tails Prower. They said you had to defeat twenty enemies in Cruel Melee, which was impossible for me to do. In fact, I used to have that issue, and I don't know where it went. I remember the cover featured the game State of Emergency, which, though it was apparently hyped, I never cared to play it (neither did anyone else I knew), and it was quickly forgotten about anyway. I remember getting it for the Metroid Prime beta stuff, which was pretty cool.

This was the issue.

Okay, I'm getting off track. Well, when it comes to the clone character aspect from the last game, the creators mentioned that there would be no more clones. Sure enough, there are. This time, there are thirty five characters, with, once again, six clones (seven if you count Luigi). So they broke their promise. However, they kind of made up for it by getting rid of the more useless characters in the last game: Dr. Mario, Roy, Young Link, Pichu (hooray!), and, sadly, Mewtwo. Personally, I thought Mewtwo was awesome. Thankfully, they put another Pokemon in the game that was somewhat like him, but . . . it was Lucario. With so many Pokemon to pick, they could've picked something much better than him. Lucario's not even popular enough for the game (or, he wasn't until he was in the game). They could've at least chosen Blaziken, or Hitmonlee (a lot of people pulled for him for good reason), or motherfucking Deoxys. You know, good fighters. Not just some random Pokemon. He doesn't fight too bad, but he wasn't the ideal fighting Pokemon most people had in mind, really. Hell, I think he's worse than Mewtwo because he doesn't have a kick ass tail to use during battle. Oh well. Whatever.

Would easily kick Lucario's ass.

There's also a problem with Samus. There are two forms to her: Varia Suit Samus, and Zero Suit Samus. That's a good idea to have, but here's the problem: there are only two methods for getting Zero Suit Samus, and they are through a Final Smash Ball, and pressing the D-Pad up and down really fast, which takes a lot of tries to do, and ultimately, if you're fighting real time, isn't worth trying at all. I'd love to choose one or the other an easier way, but it's not possible. Thanks a lot, asswipes. By the way, I noticed that if you use Samus' sideways kick, and pause at just the right time during the kick, and move the camera to the right position, you'll notice that Samus' ass and head are on the same side. Quite a way to twist a body, huh? I mean, I like flexibility, but . . .

Okay, I'm getting off track. Now I should probably talk about the stages. There are quite a few great stages to choose from. I'd say that, if this game improved at least one thing from the last game, it's the stage selection for sure. It even includes some of the better stages from the last game. You can even choose which music that plays in the course (though it lists what you can play for the course, so it's still limited) and how often it plays. There is also what I think is one of the most fun features in the game: a stage builder. I wouldn't have expected one in a Super Smash Bros. game, but it works pretty well. The only problem is sometimes connecting some of the pieces, since some items take up room even if it really doesn't/shouldn't. Otherwise, you can make some pretty damn cool courses. My favorite one that I made is a giant cube that fighters jump into and fight in, trying to knock each other out of the hole at the top where they came in. It's fun watching your opponents flying around the cube at high percent damage. There are plenty more clever ideas you can use though, like I also made a course that's just four small platforms in a large area (because I'm sadistic like that :P), and a course just consisting of falling blocks, and a course with a bunch of elevators, and a course . . .

Okay, I'm getting off track. Now I should get to the Single Player modes. There's still a great variety of things to do alone in this game, but there are some differences. The biggest one is an adventure mode called The Subspace Emissary, which isn't too bad, but it seems to me like the story was the winner of a fan-fiction contest or something. It's fun to play otherwise, though, especially once you beat it, because you can use whatever character you want at that point. Otherwise, most of the modes from the last game are intact, though they included a Boss Battles mode (which I personally don't care for), they changed Home Run Contest up a bit, making it more possible to hit the sandbag further, yet making the process a little less fun for some odd reason, got rid of Race to the Finish in Classic mode, and changed the Break the Targets mode to just five different levels instead of character-unique levels, which was kind of disappointing. Otherwise, Single Player is still pretty fun, but definitely a downgrade from the last game.

There are even more extras in this game than the last one, with not only the inclusion of the stage builder as I mentioned earlier, but also stickers that you can put on the bottom of character trophies to change their stats (make them stronger, faster, etc.), play demos (really short ones) of classic games (although I don't necessarily consider Ice Climber a classic because it's okay at best), and view photos and replays you've saved, among other things that don't quite matter, unless you're a collector, then you'd like the Chronicle, listing every game Nintendo ever made (at least in America, I'm not sure about Japanese games like X and Mother). However, the Trophies section has downgraded a bit, because you can't zoom in on your obtained trophies and view them in greater detail like in the last game. I liked doing that in the last game. Viewing trophies of stages in a way you wouldn't normally see them while playing the game, pretending you're inside vehicles, and, of course, getting a great view up Peach's dress, which, yes, both my girlfriend and I did. We thought it was funny and cool at the same time. Oh well, you can still do that multiplayer and take pictures of it.

Pictured: why I don't wear dresses and skirts, and why you at least shouldn't in a fight.

But overall, this is still a great game, but I don't think it's the best of the three. I'd still suggest getting it, because it's changed enough. If anything, get this one for the multiplayer, because that's where it's at here for sure. Well, that and I almost forgot to mention that you can go online and face people as well. I haven't played online yet, but I've seen people play, and it seems that there aren't a lot of people using the fucking wave dash techniques and shit. I'm sure there are some people who do, but it seems most everybody plays normally, and it actually seems like I could beat a lot of them as well. For online games, I wouldn't think that'd be the case, but it might be for this one.


Despite the fact that the series is a decade old, there have only been three games released, but their greatness makes up for it. I have to wonder if more will be released. I even wonder if there'll ever be a handheld version. Now that would be pretty damn cool, being able to play one of the most addictive video game series ever anywhere. Or here's another idea: bring online capabilities to the other two games. Or here's another idea: Add Mega Man, Black Bull, Ridley, and, of course, motherfucking Scorpion as playable characters. At least Scorpion. Please.

 Actually a great fighter.

Okay, I know I'm being unrealistic like those other guys, especially with Scorpion, but those first three can and I think should happen. Mega Man is another highly popular third-party character, I'd love to see another F-Zero character in the game, and Black Bull would probably be the best one overall (and please, not Samurai Goro, 'cause he sucks), and lastly . . . come on, it's fucking Ridley. Practically everybody and their umpteenth cousin (even my cousin, by the way) hoped that Ridley would be a playable character. Didn't happen. Great way to disappoint us, Nintendo. Leave out Ridley, yet leave in fucking Jigglypuff and add another non-worthy Pokemon to the roster. Great strategy.


Not worthy

By the way, had R.O.B. ended up not being a good character, I would've complained about him as well, though it's still an odd addition.

Yet another brilliant idea that most people will like.

And Goddamn it, I'm getting off track again!

Well, I'm finally done with this trilogy post that I planned. Yay, another burden off my back. I guess I could do more posts about game series that I've played, but I'm taking a break on that. I don't know when, but I will do more. Next will probably be the Mario Kart series, another fun one, or Turok 2 because I've been feeling nostalgic about it. After that, I don't know, but for now, I'm done.