Saturday, June 20, 2009

Parental Tip: "The Birds and the Bees"

I know a lot of parents have wondered about how to talk with their children about sex. That's fine. Even so, it seems that a lot of them end up doing it wrong in some way. I've even seen a clip of the Dr. Phil show about a woman and her child (six years old, if I remember correctly, but real young either way) passing by a guy watching porn in his car (remember that issue being talked about a lot?). I can't remember exactly how it went because it was a few years ago, but I think the child noticed the video asking what was going on or something like that. The mother said that, later on, "I had no choice but to tell her about the birds and the bees." You know what, if your child doesn't really know what's going on, and if he's/she's barely past five years old, there's no need to tell him/her. You can give the child some kind of excuse to not tell them. It's not like there's just no way out of it. They'll stop bugging you at some point if you keep with it.

But if you're giving them the actual talk, then I'd suggest not just telling them about, "this thing called sex." That's the mistake my parents made. I was only disgusted, they only told me a bit of basic info, and they only told me about straight sex. I don't expect parents to tell their kids about gay and lesbian sex, but I'm a lesbian, and if anything, that would've been what I wanted to hear instead. That would've grabbed my attention a little better. Even so, I didn't know the point of what they were telling me about. I just took it as a penis being inserted into a vagina, which certainly wasn't something I wanted to happen to me.

That's where my cousin came in (the cousin I mentioned in my first post, who I will usually be talking about when I mention "my cousin," unless otherwise noted). As she picked me up from school the next day, I told her about what my parents had told me. She, as a complete contrast to my parents, told me about, instead of just straight sex and how it's done, she told me about how babies were made, gave me a little more detail about how (and ultimately why) it's done, what happens when it is done, and then she even told me about lesbian sex, which made me blush, but I liked hearing about it. She told me to wait on doing that, which I planned on waiting anyway (and my girlfriend and I still haven't done anything to this day). I was disappointed to hear that two women couldn't have a baby like a man and a woman could, but I was still happy to learn about it. Even with that knowledge, several years later, I found a news story, which I've already posted before, that two women can indeed have a baby. I don't know if that'll happen during my lifetime, but I can at least adopt and have artificial insemination. I personally prefer the former, though.

I asked my girlfriend the next day if she knew how babies were made or where they came from. She said she didn't know. I really wanted her to know, but I didn't want to get in trouble, so the next time I was over, I told her mom about what I learned and asked if she could tell my girlfriend. Her mom told her a lot like my cousin told me. My girlfriend wasn't disgusted or anything. In fact, she was smiling, like she usually does.

And so, all of this has me convinced on how to properly tell kids about sex. The major thing that parents should do is that they should mention where babies come from or how they're made. That should get a child's interest, because they've likely wondered the answer to that question for several years.

Second, be sure to tell your kids about safe sex, like using condoms and birth control. Also tell them about some of the diseases that they can get if they don't use protection.

Third, no matter what you say to them, be sure to tell them to wait. Give them the knowledge of how hard it would be to take care of a child if they had one at a young age.

The rest is up to you on how you want to tell it (like the lesbian sex details being just for my girlfriend and I, that's not necessary if he's/she's straight), but those are some tips that should definitely be kept in mind. If I'm forgetting anything, please let me know and I'll update this blog.

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