Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The Day Our Dreams Were Shattered

This is my first blog post, and in it, I'm going to tell you a bit about the day that one of my greatest dreams was shattered. Before I tell you that, though, I'm going to tell you a bit about myself.

First off, I am a lesbian. I have liked girls ever since I was almost out of toddler-hood, though I didn't realize it at first. Not until I met another girl in Kindergarten. I didn't think much of her at first. I definitely thought that she was pretty. She always smiles. Big brown eyes that glowed even in the darkness, accompanying her long, wavy brown hair. That wasn't what had gotten me into her. Not long after starting Kindergarten, I was singled out because I was the only kid in the class who had red hair, so I was made fun of. After being made fun of a couple of times before, the girl I'm telling you about came up to me and the two girls making fun of me at the time and she defended me. After a bit of bickering between her and the two girls, the girls making fun of me walked away. The girl and I became quick friends. She had some friends before defending me, but she lost them not long after that.

So it was just us two. We did hang out often not long after that, going over to each other's houses, spending the night some nights. It didn't take long for my new friend to figure out that I liked other girls. I cried and told her one night, fearing she might not want to be friends with me anymore after hearing it. Instead, she hugged me and told me it was okay. She said that even if I liked her that she wouldn't mind. She then said that it's because she likes me, too. We had our first kiss later that night. We were curious what it was like, so we tried it. I'll never forget that night.

I later learned that she's actually bisexual, but now she seems to prefer girls because of our relationship. Regardless, we've had a steady relationship ever since. We also gradually gained more friends over the years, even in the last years of high school. We became the big group of geeks in school, though we had a mix of other people. I might get to a story relating to that in another post. Rest assured, most of us still get together and hang out, though.

Concerning our parents, my girlfriend's parents were perfectly fine with us being together. In fact, her mom said it was so adorable that we had already kissed. My parents, on the other hand, weren't happy. They said they already felt ashamed to know that my cousing was bisexual herself, let alone me being a full-fledged lesbian. My cousin picks me up from school a lot, and one day after picking me up, she even fought with my parents about the issue. My parents, after she left, still felt the way they did. They did, at least, do nothing further than say that they thought it was wrong. I'm glad for that much.

Even the whole school eventually learned of our relationship, though. Most people in the school weren't too bad about it. There were definitely a few people who didn't like us for it, though. They thought it was a sin because a book written by men told them it was; the same book that tells you that selling your daughter into slavery is okay, and that she can't escape like a man could (Exodus 21: 7, for those who are curious as to where I found that one). Is it really a sin to love? Love is a good thing, is it not?

A few years ago, the debate was coming to a head. The president was going to announce a decision made for a bill that would say only straight couples can marry. My girlfriend and I had talked about getting married for a long time, so we wanted to know what was going on. We were in school while the announcement was being made, but not only did my girlfriend and I happen to be in the same class at that time, the teacher was nice enough to allow us to hear the results, and turned on the TV in the room when the time came. Then, not long after, the results came.

My girlfriend and I sat there for a moment, staring at the TV, while most everyone in the class turned to look at us. The teacher figured we heard all that we needed to hear, so she turned off the TV. Not long after that, my girlfriend burst out in tears. Then I started crying while I said, "It's not fair." We hugged, everyone still watching us. Not long after we started crying, a few other people did, too. I guess they felt our pain. My girlfriend and I kept exchanging various bits conversation while we were crying, like, "Why would they do this to us?" and, "This is supposed to be a free country, damn it!" I almost got in trouble for swearing then, but again, the teacher was nice. She knew we were having a hard time accepting this.

My girlfriend's parents felt terrible about it as well. Mine didn't, of course, but her parents were crying, too. They gave each of us great big hugs, and told us that they hope some day that the law will be changed . . .

And they were, at least in a few states, mostly on the East Coast. I can't remember at the moment which states allow it and all of their laws on gay marriage, but I do know that Iowa allows anyone to move right in and get married. My girlfriend and I will probably be moving there some day. It'll be sad leaving this town and our families behind, but that's what my girlfriend and I feel that we need to do. If I remember correctly, my cousin moved there not too long ago to get married, so we might not be without anybody. We'll visit everybody regardless.

Still, I'm hopeful that the whole country will adopt these laws someday. Equal rights for everyone, just like it should be in a free country.

I'll save the various debates for other posts in the future if I have to, but I'm getting tired. Ironic, considering I couldn't sleep a while earlier. If you've read this far, I thank you for bearing with me. Good night.

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